Which comes first, the wake or the funeral?
In the UK the wake almost always follows the funeral, with guests coming on from the church or crematorium to a venue nearby within the hour. The older Irish and Catholic tradition of sitting with the body before the funeral is where the custom comes from, and some families still keep it.
The order on the day is fixed and short. The service happens, people leave, and there is a gap of twenty minutes to an hour while everyone makes their way over. Nobody hands out directions at a crematorium, so the address wants to be on the order of service and findable without a phone.
That gap is the part families underestimate. Bournemouth Crematorium and several churches in town are a short drive from our wake venue on Bath Road, which is in the centre of Bournemouth with on-site parking shared with the hotel, so guests who do not drive can get there and home again without having to arrange a lift with someone.
How long after death is a wake held?
Usually on the same day as the funeral, and in England and Wales that is often a couple of weeks after the death, though it depends entirely on the crematorium's diary and whether a coroner is involved. The gap is set by the funeral rather than by the wake. Registering the death comes first, then the coroner if one is involved, then whatever the crematorium has free. Once the funeral date is fixed, the wake is booked to follow it that afternoon. You do not need final numbers to ask about a room, only the date.
How long does a funeral wake last?
Two to three hours is the usual shape. It starts when people arrive from the service, fills through the first hour, thins through the second, and the family are often the last to leave. Afternoon wakes tend to finish before the early evening. There is no formal end and nobody announces one. It winds down, and that is how it is supposed to go.
How long are you supposed to stay at a wake?
An hour is plenty, and nobody is keeping time. Speak to the family, have something to eat, and go when it feels right. Staying to the end is for close family and old friends. If you have to leave after twenty minutes, find whoever was closest to the person who died, say goodbye to them directly, and go.
What usually happens at a wake?
People arrive from the service, there is tea and food laid out, and everyone talks. Someone may say a few words, though plenty of families choose not to. Photographs get passed round. There is often music, usually quiet and usually the person's own, more a playlist than a performance. Nothing is scheduled, and it does not need to be. There is also no obligation to hold a wake at all. Some families go home after the service, and that passes without comment.
If you are arranging one and want to talk it through, call 01202 144484.
Keep reading